Ezra Matthews

We had a powerful start to the week. We had some new friends in town shooting film footage of our story. It was therapeutic for Robyn and I. Usually, when we talk about Ezra, it’s details: born 2008, diagnosed with neuroblastoma at 400 days old in 2009. 13 months of treatment. Surgery, chemo, etc. Died November 8th, 2010. These past couple days though, we explored how it felt. The “dangerously numb” feeling after he died. The lack of caring for self during treatment, while we poured into Ezra, Price, and Charley. The years of sleeping pills, too much whiskey and bitters, wondering if we were “ok,” and what that even meant for us. It was honest to the point of being nerve-wracking, and refreshing. I know how people WANT us to feel, and too often I mold my words to wrap a bow on our story. I do a disservice to anyone who is genuinely trying to understand how these past seven years have been for us if I fail to explore the pain and grief as much as the amazing things that have happened in spite of and through our losses. Our losses have reshaped who we are. We will never say “everything happens for a reason,” as I could never justify saying Ezra needed to die in order for the good we’ve done since then to come about. I do know you choose what you do when your world falls apart, and I am proud of Robyn and myself, and all those who’ve helped us, for what we’ve done since then. The footage we shot these past couple days may take a while to come to you, but I hope when it does, it means something. And for anyone who carries loss in their bones as we do, our love to you. Thanks for coming over, Reed Morano and Dani Girdwood.

originally posted on Facebook