The Matthews Story

Moving through Neuroblastoma, Premature Birth, and Loss

 
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2013, a kiss from Ezra

Posted on January 11, 2013 by Kyle Matthews
 

Tampa Convention Center

Tampa Convention Center, New Years Eve, entering 2013.

For New Years Eve, Robyn and I went out with some close friends of ours to the Tampa Convention Center, where there would be a “ball drop”, fireworks, and some music. 2012 had been a hard year – walking the line between grief that burns so icily deep it pauses your very will to move forward, and the thaw of knowing our life does in fact continue, fighting to give meaning to our loss of Ezra and Price (and perhaps a level of innocence in ourselves), and rebuilding the picture we’d had of our future family.

New Years is a unique holiday – these celebration or remembrance days tend to trigger our retrospective selves, but none comes close to the heightened scrutiny we feel on December 31st each year. It is a day when the past is tangible. I usually think not only of the past 12 months, but of the years I’ve had before – every end of year slideshow plays in my mind, every stop-and-consider-myself moment. It is one of those evenings when the future and the past are equally present.

The night was spent in good company with good talk; fast forward to the countdown.

Fireworks would be shot off above the bay, so shortly before midnight thousands of us pushed to the terrace. There was a ball drop with cash inside the door, which kept many people inside, hoping for a fluttering $5 bill to land in their stretched fingers. We stood just outside the door.

Just after the cash “ball” dropped, hundreds of people bottle necked out the door to watch the fireworks (they went on for 5 or 6 minutes after midnight). People were pushing and shoving – negating all their resolutions to be more aware of the human race around them – and generally having a good time. A girl in her young 20s somehow got pushed into our small circle of 4, and we brought her into our group to shield her from the throng around us.

It was loud, it was sweaty, and it was pushy. This girl had been nearly falling, and we brought her in and held her up. She smiled and yelled a “Happy New Year!” to us. People were celebrating all around, and the fiery sky was making our faces glow red and green as explosions went off 500 feet overhead. The girl grabbed Robyn’s face and kissed her on the cheek, turned to me, and did the same. In our ears she said “you guys are great. You’re going to be great.”

It was an odd moment, practically, although in us there was no strange feeling. Conversationally (at high volume), Robyn asked the girl her name. She leaned in to us and said,

“Ezra.”

Ezra.

Robyn quickly slipped a bracelet on her wrist, and the girl looked down and said “wait – is this a joke?” None of us really could talk for a minute – so our friend (who’d been watching this all) leaned in and gave a quick recap of our story.

“They had a son named Ezra, who died of cancer in 2010. He was 2.”

She looked at us again, and said “I’ll find you.” Then she disappeared into the crowd, and we haven’t heard from her since.

Thank you for the kiss to start 2013, Ezra. We love you, we miss you.

Fireworks

 

 
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37 Responses to 2013, a kiss from Ezra

 
 
  1. # Heather says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:18 am)

    Wow!! Chills and tears… How beautiful…!!! xoxo

  2. # Amy Gutierrez says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:22 am)

    Kyle….Oh my GOD isn’t something I normally write but oh my GOD. What a gift. What an amazing gift. You both really ARE going to be okay. I love you guys.

  3. # nicole says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:23 am)

    kyle: that is beautiful! thank you for sharing that moment….what a sweet KISS from Ezra. caught my breath there……….love U guys

  4. # Brooke says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:36 am)

    I am speechless. Heart skipped a beat. Tears in my eyes. The greatest gift from your Angel, from God. To welcome the New Year with a kiss from your son. Ezra knew you needed him in that moment, just as much as he needed you. Happy New Year Matthews Family. May God continue to hold you, keep you and show you his love. His love for Ezra, Price and Charley.

  5. # melissa says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:37 am)

    God works miracles everyday. I got chills reading this post. Thank you for sharing.

  6. # Lizddy says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:39 am)

    I am speechless and in tears reading this. Wow. Hugs to both.

  7. # Cindie says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:45 am)

    What a sweet gift from our God whose mercies never cease to amaze me. A special blessing at the start of a New Year. May God continue His abundance of blessings on your family.

  8. # Lisa Riniolo says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:46 am)

    Hi guys, My heart is so full of joy that Ezra was able to talk to you on New Years Eve. Those moments are way to few for me but are the only moments my heart feels true joy anymore… Smiling at Ezra creative way to get to you both. Just like a boy to find a pretty chic to work through…lol

    • # Kyle Matthews says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:49 am)

      Lisa – ha, so true. That kid!

  9. # Mary Jane says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:50 am)

    Thank you for sharing such a sweet reminder of how much God cares for us.

  10. # Judy Kuenn says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:55 am)

    I love when God gives us a small moment with our children who have passed. Certainly this young lady was just that. A message from your Ezra to let you know that you ARE going to be great. Thank you, Lord, for those precious moments.

  11. # Edie says (on January 11, 2013 at 9:58 am)

    Beautiful! xoxoxo

  12. # Cyndi Sims says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:01 am)

    There are no words…..I am in total awe of our loving Father who gave you and Robyn this gift. I continue to speak and pray blessings over your family.

  13. # Jaclyn says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:12 am)

    amazing. i love hearing stuff like this. those little signs are some of the sweetest! <3

  14. # Aly says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:16 am)

    WOW! Thats incredible! no words – just WOW!!! xo

  15. # Jenny Miller says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:23 am)

    nice!

  16. # Peggy says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:31 am)

    Very touching and heart felt! What a wonderful way to start the new year.

    Just amazing!

  17. # Kristy Radeker says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:31 am)

    What a beautiful experience!!!!

  18. # Katie says (on January 11, 2013 at 10:47 am)

    beautiful moment. Thank you for sharing Ezra and your family with us..

  19. # Vanessa says (on January 11, 2013 at 11:14 am)

    What an incredible gift from Ezra! I’m speechless. Wow!

  20. # Rebecca Herbert says (on January 11, 2013 at 11:25 am)

    This story made me cry, just as reading your “story” has. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you have been through. :( However, this time there were tears of joy in a sense as I believe that there are truly angels among us…and that was your sweet Ezra sending his love. What a gift…wow….

  21. # lashanda says (on January 11, 2013 at 11:45 am)

    Oh my god. Ezra couldnt have started off the year any better.

  22. # Jenn Amerson says (on January 11, 2013 at 12:23 pm)

    Kyle once again tears are streaming down my face after reading your post. I am at a complete loss for words. I pray that there are more kisses and love from Ezra. You both are amazing!

  23. # camille klein says (on January 11, 2013 at 12:23 pm)

    Iknow ever day GOD is here, I am one with HIM, we all are.
    I am always grateful when HE uses someone, or some place to touch us, to let us know we are loved, watched over and proveded for.
    This is so beautiful tht Ezra was able to welcome in the New Year with you.
    xo Cammy

  24. # Laura Hocevar says (on January 11, 2013 at 12:47 pm)

    Amazing! I truly believe in angels!

  25. # Gail Deriso says (on January 11, 2013 at 2:03 pm)

    Robyn & Kyle…amazing blessing ..I read a book that speaks of “God winks”..this is such a testimony that says God watches over our loved ones…and this testifies to that in an incredible way. God Bless you both & Charlie too! Your neighbor on Glen Haven, Gail Deriso

  26. # Ann Billo says (on January 11, 2013 at 2:38 pm)

    Man. No words for that one. What a sweet surprise. Happy new year. You guys are going to be great. In fact, you already are.

  27. # Kara says (on January 11, 2013 at 3:32 pm)

    Wow!!! It is those moments that don’t make us question for a second where our loved ones are and how much a part of our lives they remain! God and Ezra are surely watching over you!

  28. # Heather says (on January 11, 2013 at 4:33 pm)

    What a beautiful way to start a new year. God truly blessed you through this young lady. May He continue to bless you each day through the good and the bad. Heather from Canada

  29. # Barbara says (on January 11, 2013 at 7:55 pm)

    What a beautiful message of hope from God to start the new year…you will be okay and you will be reunited with Ezra one day.

  30. # Randy Wyman says (on January 11, 2013 at 8:25 pm)

    Words can’t even describe what I felt as I read this! God bless you and your family.

  31. # Rebecca Schwem says (on January 12, 2013 at 3:09 pm)

    When I finished reading this a strange sound came deep from within my throat. So strange and loud it startled me. Kind of primal. God is so sweet and tender. I am an evangelical Christian. I am not charismatic. But this story has gripped me so. I don’t know when I can get my composure to retell it. But….thank you. What are the chances? Thank you, Lord.

  32. # Kim says (on January 12, 2013 at 3:45 pm)

    That is incredible! I hope it brings you peace.

  33. # Stephanie Kallner says (on January 12, 2013 at 8:22 pm)

    WOW! What an amazing story, proof that God is real, and with us, and speaks to us especially when we need it the most.Beautiful story, thanks for sharing!!

  34. # Jamie says (on January 14, 2013 at 12:49 am)

    WOW!!! This gave me chills!!!! Speechless.

  35. # anne says (on January 14, 2013 at 8:01 am)

    And people say the dead don’t communicate with the living..God is good.

  36. # Misty Umholtz says (on January 15, 2013 at 7:26 pm)

    God is good. He knows just what you need.

 

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