Well, we were all scheduled to have Ezra’s 5th (and perhaps final) round of chemo start today. We got to the hospital (St Joe’s) this morning, and had his labs done. Turns out his numbers were a little lower than they’d like to start chemo (completely normal, nothing to worry about, just means we wait a few more days to let his body recover a bit more), so we’ll be going in a week from today (next Monday) for chemo. This is actually good news, because he’s been eating like crazy and very energetic and playful the last week – so it just means we’ll have another week of good times fattening him up. This round’s chemo drug is the same as the 3rd round, which is one that gets him sick, and he doesn’t eat very well – so as fat as we can get him going in is good. 😀
It still looks like after this round we’ll be getting the surgery to remove his tumor, sometime in mid-February. Could it be over then? There’s a few different medical options after the surgery, which we’ll discuss with the drs more once the surgery has been done and they can see all the results of scans and how the surgery itself went. We may wind up only having to keep an eye on him and have a few drugs he takes over the next few months – nothing requiring being admitted – then just monitor for a few years and make sure it’s gone completely! Amazing.
There’s a few strange feelings we get around this time. On the one hand, it almost seems its been too easy – not that it’s been a walk in the park, but we’ve been extremely blessed to have solid friends and family around us constantly picking up the slack where our strength/time/energy fades. The possibility we’re only a few months away from this being over (at least this chapter) almost leaves a guilty feeling it should have been harder. But if I look at the events, feelings, and struggle it’s been so far and still is, I realize it IS hard – it’s just our joy remains even when our happiness doesn’t.
Doubt still creeps up on me in the most random moments, and there’s times I’m mindlessly going about my business when I suddenly am sad, or nervous… the overwhelming feeling which remains constant though is a faith God’s aware of Ezra, Robyn, the twins and I, and holds us in His hands. That’s the strength I lean on, and that’s the source of the joy we live with regardless of the crap on our boots as we walk. Circumstances are temporary.