This morning marked the twins 1 week birthday.
On Saturday, Price developed a grade 4 bleed in his head, which is the highest grade. It is not uncommon for babies born this early to have a bleed in their head, and levels 1-3 are acceptable and generally work themselves out or are treatable. Once a baby has hit grade 4, there is a very slim chance they could survive, but if they become unstable, there is no longer anything the doctors can do.
Around 3:30pm today we received a call from the doctors letting us know Price had become unstable, and we should come to the hospital.
His condition was unrecoverable, with many complications that had developed over the last 24 hours or so which were not, taken as a whole, treatable.
Shortly after 4:30, Price was taken off his ventilator and Robyn was able to hold him while I sat next to them, and God took back what He so recently had given us.
I can’t explain why this happened. In Job 2:10, Job said “Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” This hurts deep, and I struggle to see a purpose or reason behind it. And yet as my friend Brandon said, Price has made it to the foot of God quicker than any of us, and I know one day I will see him again. I know God wraps Himself around myself and my wife and my now-two beautiful sons even as He takes one son home much quicker than I had ever thought He would. I know the future is bright, and I refuse to let this scar make us angry or bitter. To do so would only be unfair to the family we have become and are becoming.
James 1:2-4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
So we persevere, knowing that our pain is heavy now, and God is still here. We hold on to His promises, even when we don’t understand why they didn’t seem to ring true in Price’s life.
“When death, like a gypsy, comes to steal what I love, I will still look to the Heavens, I will still seek Your face.” – Jars of Clay.